Preparing to Blend a Family

At the beginning of your first family there was a man and a woman. You took time to get to know each other. After time spent together as a couple you decided to add to your household with a child. When this little being was born you took time to get acquainted as a family. Lot’s of cuddles and loving took place. Your baby learned to trust that you would meet his or her needs. As the baby grew you established a deep bond. The baby learned how to behave in the family and what behavior was expected of them.

No matter what reason disrupted the family unit the child will be hurt and confused. Joining a new family is not likely going to be very high on their lists of things to do. Unlike your first family this second one, your “blended family” will be met with many obstacles. You do not have the luxury of a history with your stepchild/children. The time lost between the birth of the child and the present cannot be retrieved. In essence you must begin from the beginning. Bonding with a child is verydifferent than bonding with a newborn baby. Your stepchildren have a past which contributes to their personality and character.

Becoming a blended family can be a long and challenging process. Like anything worthwhile it will take hard work, dedication and patience to be successful. Many factors must be considered while making the adjustment. The feelings of all parties involved must be respected, especially those of the children. While each family is unique, there are several common factors that blended families usually share in the beginning of the transition to becoming a single unit.

As soon as you join under one roof there is commonly a “honeymoon” period. As the children are adjusting to their new circumstances they may be on their best behavior. This can’t last for long as it is very stressful to always have “your best foot forward”. Knowing that the blissful existence of the first few days will soon come to an end it is best to prepare yourself for the real deal.

Factors unique to your family will dictate how smooth the transition from two families to one will be. The age of the child/children, how long you have known each other, the type or relationship you have, individual personality types and the length of time between the split of their parents and the present union are all contributors to the event. All of these variables must be taken into consideration from the moment you decide to marry.